Last Day
by LilacDuchess
Summary: My name is Kagome Higurashi. And I am going to die today.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: I own nothing, not the characters or anime or show or anything to go with it.

My name is Kagome Higurashi. Three days ago I celebrated my eighteenth birthday at home with my mother, grandfather, younger brother, and the normal human friends whom I've rarely seen in three years. More than a celebration, it was a commemoration of my life the past three years, three years of leapfrogging through time to defeat an evil hidden beneath a smirk. Three years of lying to the friends I've had for years and living a double life that could kill me at any moment. Three years of longing for a man who set my heart racing with a glance of his golden eyes, a man who had once been a boy with soft triangular dog ears that twitched in feigned irritation when I rubbed them. It was a celebration because my life didn't truly begin until the three years prior when I first fell through the ancient well.

Two days ago I went to see the doctor for test results. For months I had been weak and fatigued, and when it turned to sharp pains I knew it was something rest and a first-aid kit couldn't fix. All I remember is hearing my mother cry while snippets of the doctor's conversation filtered through my hazy mind. Degenerative. Progressive. Incurable. Having gone so many months before it was detected, the heart defect had worn me out and there was nothing they could do without a transplant. Without one, my heart would give out, simply stop.

One day ago with wicked glee, Naraku destroyed the well upon my return. I came to say goodbye, and instead I have returned to the Sengoku Jidai to a place where there will be no transplant, no doctors, no equipment and sterile white room. I watched silently as my family was stolen from me, as the friends who stood by me despite my absence disappeared from my grasp, yet I didn't cry. No one understood why I didn't cry.

My name is Kagome Higurashi. And I'm going to die today.

Of course, there is no definitive time. At exactly 7:15 pm I will not drop dead. But every day could easily be my last…the doctors expected it. Who is to say what event will be the one, the moment when my heart, the heart people always tell me gives too much, finally gives out? I remember hearing those stories of teenagers who had seemed perfectly healthy and who suddenly died during a basketball game when their heart stopped. The doctor said I was lucky, they had caught it before it reached that stage and unlike others I had a chance to live if the transplant took. But now there would be no transplant, no chance to live a long life. After three years of Grandfather making up ailments to excuse my absence, now he had a real one.

Grandfather…. It all seems unreal. Three years of being attacked and being surrounded by death and yet my own mortality has never really occurred to me. It still hasn't. As I glance up I see Inuyasha sitting silently in the corner of Kaede's hut, staring intently into the fire. The flicker of his golden eyes says everything to me. He hasn't so much as glance in my direction since the well was destroyed this afternoon. His guilt at being unable to prevent it is coupled by his own grief, though his stubborn pride would never admit it. Despite his protests every time I returned home, he also looked forward to our time there. There he had a family who loved him regardless, who never saw him as an "abomination" to their kind. There he was a brother, a son, and a grandson—even if the grandfather occasionally tried to purify him "just in case."

Golden eyes flickered once more to me, uncertain. He wondered why I wasn't crying, if I was angry and blamed him for his weakness. At the moment I still felt nothing. But the pain he tried to conceal behind his eyes had me slowly crawling the few feet to him. Silently I laid down, my head in his lap as I stared into the flickering flames of the fire, his red haori soft against my cheek. I forgave him, it wasn't his fault. Like always any physical touch, particularly from me, made him uncomfortable. He didn't know what to do, and I felt his hesitation. Stiffly his body moved and he laid his hand upon my long, straight mane of ebony hair. After a moment he slowly began to thread his claws through the soft mass as he relaxed and leaned back to rest against the wall of the hut. At the comforting pressure my eyes slid shut, and I drifted into a deep and dreamless sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: I own nothing, no characters, not the general story. All I did was come up with the concept of this particular twist of story. This is actually a story I began years ago and had posted on another fanfiction site. I've decided to continue it so we'll see how it goes.

With groggy indecision my eyes fought to open in response to the flash of brilliant morning sun exposed upon opening the flap of Kaede's hut. Gradually I blinked them open, the desire to see what had disturbed my slumber stronger than the urge to drift back into nothingness. Warmth and the scent of Inuyasha enveloped me, only making the urge to curl in bed stronger. But as I lazily stretched and turned over onto my back, I realized it wasn't my beloved hanyou beside me. He had draped his haori over me while I slept. Rather considerate of him, though he would never admit that he did it to comfort me. If I even asked, a slow crimson would burn his cheeks, he would "keh" dismissively and that would be it. Three years and he was still the same boy I had freed from a tree. Perhaps that's why I loved him so much. He would always remain the same, my constant companion and protector.

With a sigh I push myself to my feet and over to the opened flap, squinting at the sudden glare that bathed me in warmth. Yawning, I lift my arms above my head, my shirt rising to reveal the creamy flesh of my stomach before it once again is covered. The white sweater is not the same as my old uniform, and the burgundy miniskirt is not the same green of old. As impractical as the outfit had always been, I've never been able to escape wearing something similar. Part of that had always been to receive the looks I occasionally caught Inuyasha giving me as he stared at my long legs peeking from beneath the short cloth. I roll my head, slowly working out the kinks as my eyes adjust to the light. Pulling the wrinkles that have accumulated around my breasts, I slowly walk down the steps.

Glancing up again and my eyes are captured by pure golden orbs as they silently watch me. I have grown from a naïve girl into a woman before his eyes, a fact I know he notices. My hair is considerably longer than it once was, though I had taken to braiding it while in the Sengoku Jidai and my bangs were not nearly as unmanageable. My scrawny frame had filled out considerably in my breasts and hips, though constant exercise has kept me slim. Enough running and practice with my bow has created lithe muscles although Inuyasha still claims I'm too fragile. A small smile tilts my lips as I look at him, the wind blowing his silver mane about his face while my own hair tickles across my neck in the morning breeze. I walk towards him, slowly braiding its length, my brown eyes never leaving his. He doesn't say anything and neither do I.

It's not until a small redheaded bundle crashes into my legs that I turn my attention away from the hanyou. Whereas I had grown so much in such a short time, my little kit had barely changed at all. His hair was longer and he had taken to tying it back to look "older" and he had grown perhaps an inch, still as cute as ever, even if he could not always get away with acting like a child, at least around Inuyasha. Even now his eyes sparkle innocently up at me, as if he could take away my worries with a grin.

"I made breakfast for you, Kagome," he offered excitedly, always eager to please. "I thought it would make you happy."

Chancing a look up I see Miroku meditating on the hill, the morning light bathing him in brilliant tones of color. Sango was practicing her hiraikotsu with Kirara watching, but she stopped to cast me an anxious look when she caught the boomerang upon its return. They always worried the most about me, no matter how much I grew. As hard as they fought to protect me, there was something now they could do nothing against. As I watched my friends I knew I could never tell them. They would worry; they would fret over me every moment. I couldn't allow that. I wouldn't allow myself to be weak. Long ago I swore to destroy Naraku and complete the shikon jewel, and nothing would stop me. Until the day I die I will fight alongside my friends, protect them, defend them, love them.

"Thank you, Shippou," I smile down at the kitsune as he trots happily away to fetch the food, most likely berries he had found. It still seems so unreal, a dream I have yet to awaken from. The sun slowly rises in the sky and as it bathes me in warmth I know I have at least one more day. From now on every day I will live as if it were my last…because it very well may be.

Watching as he disappears within the hut, I turn back to Inuyasha who still watches me. My heart speeds up every time I catch him watching me, and I know he can hear its thumping now. My tongue darts out to lick my dry lips and I swallow, as if that will stop the effect he has on me. If anything it makes it worse because his eyes intently follow my ministrations, the intensity of his eyes as he stares at my lips turning his golden eyes into heated amber.

Unhurriedly he approaches, his muscles flexing beneath his undershirt as he comes to stand barely an inch from me. I can feel the heat radiating from his body, answering my own rising temperature. Slowly his hand raises, his claw brushing a lock of hair which has fallen from my braid and tucking it behind my ear, allowing his hand to brush against the skin of my cheek and sending shivers down my spine. "I caught you a rabbit," his voice is deeper than it had once been, yet it still has the same effect on me. Only now it seems to reverberate throughout my body and shoots down into my stomach where it pools between my legs in shameless desire. Long ago my crush on him had blossomed into love and long ago had my longing for him become less than innocent. His eyes bore into mine, as if searching my eyes for any hidden truth, for the me behind the smile. He is making an offering, an apology for being stuck forever in the feudal era with him, and trying to gauge my reaction.

"There's nothing to apologize for, Inuyasha. You've done nothing wrong," raising my own hand my fingers lightly trace over the beads of the rosary around his neck. Months ago I had tried to remove it and he asked for it to remain. He knew I trusted him, but he couldn't imagine being without it, without our special link. Never have I forgotten the look on his face at the thought of our connection being broken. And I had never loved him more.

After hesitating, he nods, though I know he doesn't believe it. He will always blame himself, and claim it was he who wasn't strong enough. Hearing Shippou's approach from behind me begins to pull me to the present. "After breakfast, we should search for the final jewel shard." Hearing his consistent phrase emerge from my mouth seems to shock him and I suppress a smile at his reaction. Time is no longer on my side, and I couldn't remain at the village to mourn a loss I had yet to feel.

With a feral grin he nods at me, his golden eyes lighting up. For now I'm his Kagome, the same bubbly girl who has stayed by his side for three years, the girl who would argue with him, laugh at him, take care of him. To him everything would be as it had been, and despite my smile secretly I know that it will never be the same again.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: As commanded, the next chapter ;)

* * *

"Kagome, are you alright?"

I turn towards my best friend, my sister, as she places her hand on my shoulder as we walk through the forest. After breakfast we had begun our journey once more, and as the sun sweltered and our walk grew longer, I continue to push myself. I grow tired so easily anymore, but my determination makes up for it. I smile at her, trying to reassure her that I'm not the weak link. "I'm fine, Sango. I'm just tired."

"As fatigued as you have been the past few weeks, my dear Kagome, one might believe you are with child," Miroku teased. His smile grew as Inuyasha visibly stiffened in front of us and unable to help himself, the monk grasps my hands within his own in a very Kouga-esque motion. "As inappropriate as its timing is, I must admit that I am most thrilled that you have finally consented to bear my child."

The prod had its desired effects and Inuyasha twirls around, his eyes flashing in anger and…fear? A swirl of red is all I see as Inuyasha pushes himself between the two of us as if defending my honor. "She's not fucking pregnant! You didn't lay a hand on her, and you'd better not think about it or you won't have to worry about Sango getting to you!"

I clutch at his haori, my hands holding onto his arms and he visibly calms and lightly leans into my near-embrace. Resting my cheek against his back has two effects: I can hear his heart quicken while his muscles visibly stiffen at the contact. Miroku regularly baits him in an attempt to force the hanyou into admitting his true feelings. But pushing one so stubborn only makes him angry and resentful of being mocked. My body begins to shake in laughter as I clutch to his back, knowing our companions are trying to hide their own laughter at the look Inuyasha undoubtedly is throwing at them. With a "keh" he steps out of my reach, but not without giving one last glance at me, our eyes locking as he lightly touches his arm where I had been grasping, a light smile in the corner of his lips. "We'll make camp here for the night."

Silently I watch as he begins to gather wood for a fire. He knows I am watching and glances up at me as he bends over for another log, his bangs casting shadows across his tan face as he searches my eyes. I wonder if Kikyo, despite her cold clay body, could feel the heat in his eyes when she looked upon him. Perhaps that was why she had been so desperate to keep his affections forever hers. Inuyasha never spoke of her anymore, and we never brought her up. After she disappeared into Naraku's miasma and Inuyasha ran off to find her only to realize it was me Naraku sought, he had vowed never to leave my side again. And he hadn't. Even with the occasional word of an undead miko in our travels, he never blinked. He simply walked ahead. His eyes at those times say it all "Never again."

Unnecessarily concentrating on the arrangement of logs as he stacks them against one another, I bend beside him, our hands brushing as I help. Purposely I run my fingers along his hand before I grasp it within mine, our fingers interlocking. Surprised, his eyes dart up to mine and at that moment all that matters is that he doesn't pull away.

We're studying one another, testing one another and we both know it. His intensity startles me and I know Miroku's words still plague his mind. This time my mouth is too dry to swallow. At times when confronted by the thought of me with another he retreats into himself, and other times he becomes bold. I wonder if he'll ever become bold enough to be the one to reach for me first, if he'll ever decide to capture the mouth he seems so interested in watching. Even now his amber eyes drift down to my lips. His breathing is becoming unsteady, little pants that whisper and caress my face as I lean closer to him, my dark eyes drooping as I watch him through lowered lashes. His hand tightens around mine as he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth, debating what to do, his eyes searching mine with an almost frightening desperation. How I've longed to tug on that sultry lip with my teeth as I explore his mouth. With his free hand he timidly reaches up to push his fingers past my ear and settle his palm on the back of my neck. 'Please kiss me,' I silently beg and my heart seems to slow in anticipation though it still pounds almost painfully within my breast.

Instead of his warmth upon my skin, there is the coolness of sudden air as his touch leaves me and he stands. I cannot blame him for his uncertainty, I never do, but as I stare up at him with longing evident in my eyes, I also know no one can hurt me as much as he can. Without needing words, he knows. He knows my heart belongs to him alone, though at times he needs reassurance of the matter. Never has he claimed me, never has he confessed if he loves me, and the yearning for him to do so is as painful as any battle wound.

My head drops to the fire as he quickly walks away into the woods. My vision blurs as I fight the moist warmth gathering in their corners. Sometimes I wonder what frightens him more…the love I feel for him, or the love he feels for me.

I know my friends surround me, I can feel their presence. Ever are they concerned with my fragile emotional well-being and it only serves to remind me once more how weak I have always been. What would they do if they knew of my newest limitation, my weak human flaw? Send me to the village? Spend so much time worrying over my health during a battle that they get themselves injured? They need me to find the jewel and I won't be their distraction. I will be stronger for that, for them, like they have always been for me. Lightly I rub my chest as if it will relieve the pressure I feel building. Closing my eyes, I take a steadying breath before smiling up at them. "I'll get the ramen," I say brightly, knowing it doesn't fool them. But for now it'll be Inuyasha on their thoughts and not my constant exhaustion, my "cold." It's a welcome miracle when Shippou begins to beg for pocky and sweets, his childish grin chasing away the dark thoughts plaguing my mind.

* * *

I ran from her. I can face any demon with effortless courage, but one longing look from her shining brown eyes sends me running like a coward. And I am terrified, terrified that I won't be able to control myself, that I'll lose myself in the passionate thoughts which have consumed me for nearly two and a half years. Kagome, don't you realize how much I love you? Do you have to look at me with such pain reflecting in those gorgeous eyes when I can't handle it any longer?

Without regret I would die for her. Without a thought I need her like air. And with full honesty, it terrifies me. If she left me or rejected me I don't know what I would do. It's better not to know, not to take the chance, isn't it?

Yet I know she loves me and it only makes it harder. As much as she protests it, she deserves much better than a pathetic hanyou. Even if she doesn't view me as one, the world does. I have nothing to offer her. A tree near a broken well, a reminder of how my weakness against Naraku took her forever from her family. With a growl the tree I have been clutching to snaps within my grasp, chunks of it clattering to the forest floor to decay. Her family would never even know that she was safe, that I'll protect her from this world and everything within it.

I miss them. I would sit with her mother for hours while Kagome was at school, discussing what life was like growing up as a halfbreed, what my mother smelled like, even her death. She had died of heartbreak, unable to withstand the separation from her mate and unable to bear the burden of watching her son's torment. I don't blame her, I never have. Until Kagome came into my life I wanted nothing more than to die along with her; to finally end it all. All I wanted was to forget, to lose my memories and the humanity that plagued me with painful emotions and weakness. In Kagome's world, I once again had a mother who loved me, who never thought I wasn't good enough. Then there was Souta, a brother who had idolized me instead of trying to kill me, who would run around the house imitating my attacks and laughing as I learned how to play his video games. I even miss that old demented bastard, and he on numerous occasions tried to purify me with his ridiculous sutras. If this is how I feel, how must Kagome feel?

And that also worries me. She never cried, she never yelled. And now she acts as if it had never happened, as if I had nothing to be ashamed of. Lately she has been distant, staring off into space. And her scent has changed, though only subtly. She thinks I don't notice how she lags behind the group, how even simple walks have begun to wear her down. But she won't confide in me, and there's nothing I can do to help her. And amidst all my conflicted feelings, that thought terrifies me the most. What if something is wrong and there's nothing I can do to save her?

When had my vow to protect her become so all-consuming? When had I ceased to be Inuyasha and my life become so entangled within hers that I am no longer a separate entity? I'm Kagome's, and I have been for years. Even my idiot half-brother knows she is my strength, the reason I fight. I would do anything for her. And I know deep within my soul that if anything should happen to her, I would die. I can't exist without her. I'm nothing.

Night has fallen as I return to camp, my ears pricked and listening for any intruders. I pause at the edge of camp as Kagome's voice drifts to my ears and I crouch behind the shrubs, my golden eyes peering as her lithe form as it stretches over top of her sleeping bag. Her skirt falls to her waist as she bends one leg to prop it lazily across a log and my eyes slowly travel her figure, my throat growing dry. Those little skirts have always driven me mad and I bet all the ramen in the world that she knows it.

"I can't do that Miroku. Even if he won't show his emotions, I know he cares about me. To force him to admit it would be wrong, how can I trust it's honest if done in such a way?" I feel one eyebrow rise at her comment. Who the hell were they talking about?

"You already know he cares about you, Kagome," Sango intercedes from her own perch across Kirara. "He's just being stubborn, and an ultimatum would be exactly what he needs to pull his arrogant head out of his ass."

Arrogant? Stubborn? They better not try to convince Kagome to give in to Koga! That fucking mangy wolf has been after her for years. I'll fucking kill him. I'll kill him if he ever tries to steal her away from me.

"I love him, and part of me loves him because he's so stubborn and pig-headed." She holds up her slender arms as if to stave off further commentary by her friends. "Don't get me wrong, I want him to come to me, but of his own will not because he feels forced."

My chest tightens painfully and I feel as if the world has disappeared beneath my feet. It's like Kikyo sucking me into Hell all over again, only this time it was Kagome who brings me to my knees. Slowly I sink to the ground, desolate, feeling broken. After all these years, how can she love Koga? Suddenly it's like everything has changed. I thought it was me she loved; her eyes have always said so. But perhaps I waited too long, perhaps I hid my feelings for her too well and she gave up on me. Now she will move on to someone who isn't a halfbreed, to someone who will care for her and give her whatever her heart desires. I should be happy, shouldn't I? Yet I can't shake the bile rising in my throat and I shakily stumble to my feet before my legs begin to pump. I run, I run from the clearing, I run from the voices, I run from her.

* * *

"I have to admit it's admirable how loyal you remain to Inuyasha," Miroku chuckles as he settles himself conspicuously closer to Sango's prostate from. With a warning glare, he shrinks back, but only slightly. In another minute he'll slowly try to scoot closer to her once again. He does it every night, and tonight particularly it makes me smile.

I've never known how to explain my love for Inuyasha. Even now as I attempt to, it seems odd and I know it doesn't do the emotion justice. Words simply can't explain feeling. "I know he's confused. For so long he loved Kikyo with all his heart. As resentful as I was at times, I could never hold it against him. If he just gave up on her so easily I don't think I would have looked at him the same. He's loyal and he would sacrifice everything for those he cares about." My eyes settle on the stars twinkling above the tree tops, watching as the smoke from our fire twirl about the air before it disappears into the sky. "I want him happy, even then. I would have let him go to Kikyo and leave me forever if I knew it was what he really wanted. It would have broken my heart, but I would have let him go."

Sango turns to stare at me, thoughtful contemplation screwing up her feminine features. "What about now?"

It's a question I don't want to think about. It only makes the future that more real, and the future is something I have been desperately trying to forget. After all, I have to give him up, don't I? Death doesn't leave any options. "What if…something happens?" I gently approach the subject, my eyes flickering to their faces to gauge their reactions. My hand reflexively rests atop a slumbering Shippou, my fingers brushing through his soft, unruly hair. "This has always been a dangerous world. Any moment…" I don't need to finish, they know my meaning. Any moment any one of us could die. "Do you think it's better never to know how someone feels about you, or would you want to know even if they're taken from you afterwards?"

My question startles them both. They aren't used to me thinking so pessimistically. "Kagome, we will always protect you," Sango protests vehemently.

I raise my hand dismissively. "Sango, sometimes things happen and it's no one's fault. I'm just saying 'what if' not that it's happening tomorrow." Though it very well may.

As my eyes travel once more to the sky, I hear the crinkle of leaves as Miroku slowly moves over to me. With perfect seriousness, he takes my hands in his own. "I would rather know I had love, even if it is only a short while, than to wonder my entire life at what might have been. It might seem an overused sentiment but that is only because of its truth."

Slowly my eyes slide to his, tears glistening in their corners. But I will not cry, not for myself…never for myself. I don't answer him, but the look in my eyes is enough. He smiles at my gratitude and pats my head like a caring brother before returning to his own sleeping bag. Yet again I know my sleep will be restless and I glance at the trees for any sign of Inuyasha. But there is no telltale red, no characteristic grunt as he pretends to ignore our conversations. Odd…he is always there by the time we sleep. The last time he left camp at night for so long was when Kikyo was around. I swallow the lump that suddenly forms in my throat as I turn onto my side in an attempt to get comfortable. The only night I have slept peacefully in months was last night in Inuyasha's arms. I want to think it strange, but I know in my heart it's not. It's the only thing that has ever been right.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Luckily I have a few chapters already done. I am in the process of writing the future chapters. The more reviews I get, the better direction I'll have and motivation to continue. So let me know what you think! This is a short chapter, followed by a longer chapter. The next few chapters do contain adult themes and situations and content and is not suitable for children or those of a super pure mind. Enjoy!

* * *

The morning was tense, unnecessarily so. Inuyasha didn't make his appearance until camp had been torn down and breakfast eaten. Even then, he has avoided me at every turn. His golden eyes don't even glance in my direction, no clever quip about my overburdened backpack as I heft it on my shoulder. I frown and I know my feelings are obvious. Surely holding my hand yesterday wasn't that horrible? I thought….rubbing my hands over my tired eyes does little to make me feel better. As predicted, my sleep was agitated at best and painful at worst. But it doesn't matter and we're on our journey again.

Now my attention solely rests on the ground before me and I count the twigs we pass to occupy my mind from other thoughts. 73….74…. What could possibly be making Inuyasha act this way? He hasn't been this distant since last he had snuck away with Kikyo in the night and his guilt made him unable to look at me…but that had been over two years ago. 87…88, or was that 89? My sigh nearly rumbles as it turns into a frustrated growl. I can't even count. I fill my air with lungs in a deep breath. Already I feel the wear of the day and we've only been walking a few hours.

Inuyasha stops in front of me and I plow into his back, having not noticed. He glances at me, a frown on his face before he kneels slightly before me. His message is clear: get on. I feel excitement. I haven't ridden on Inuyasha's back since the times my budding hormones first began to develop. At the time it was a double-edged sword…on one hand I need worry about the effect his nearness would have on me, but on the other hand it was my favorite past-time, my excuse to hold him without worry he would pull away. Sango hefts my backpack onto her shoulder with ease while I climb onto Inuyasha's sturdy back, and easily he lifts me, his hands clasped behind my knees and my arms around his neck as he begins to walk once more.

The light jostling doesn't lull me into sleep as I had thought it might. Rather it makes me more aware of my surroundings than before, my surroundings being the hanyou. Each step rubs my core against him and I stifle a moan at the steady pressure. Biting my lip I decide to become daring, after all, I have waited three years and might not have another. Slowly I rub my center against his back, just once. I know he can smell my arousal and at the action he stops, his breath hitching in his throat. Glancing over his shoulder, I see him swallow with difficulty as he begins to walk again and I clutch him harder, my thighs tight about his waist.

His hands are tight on my legs and it's not only my imagination that I feel them sliding up my thighs, movements so slow I would feel as if I imagined them if not for the pleasure ricocheting within my stomach. His hands knead the delicate flesh, his eyes straight ahead on our companions' figures as they walk before us, chatting away. My breathing is unsteady, nervous, as his hands slowly work against the soft skin, a gentle and hesitating caress. Lightly a finger runs across the lace of my panties between us and I bury my face into his neck as I gasp silently at the spasm it sends through me. The bundle of nerves there are painfully aware and it's a feeling I wouldn't trade at the moment for all the jewel shards in Japan.

My hand reaches up to tangle in his silken silver mane, brushing back past his shoulder to reveal his neck. My face rests in that hollow, my breaths lightly panting against his skin. This close I can hear his own unsteady breathing and at my reaction his hands reflexively tighten on my thighs. One hand slides once more just a bit higher and those glorious fingers evenly rub against those nerves once more, this time not the barest of contacts. He can feel my arousal as well now, moisture of it evident as it wets the material. His breathing is becoming more labored now, and I feel his trembling mixing with that of my own body. Boldly a claw reaches beneath the barrier and flicks across my core, feeling the heat and desire and this time I cannot stifle the moan as it gasps from my lips.

"Kagome, are you alright?" Sango asks stopping and turning to face us. Red-faced I nod quickly and with an odd look, they continue. Inuyasha's hands now clutch behind my knees and I would think it all a dream…except for how tightly he holds me against him now. My first real genuine smile softly tugs at my lips and I bury my face in his neck, my arms still draping across his shoulders as I allow my eyes to drift shut.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: Adult situations! Nothing too graphic but still...you've been warned!

* * *

A light jerk jars me from my dreamless sleep and my eyes blink unsteadily open. My face is warm and I can feel Inuyasha's body heat against my cheek and I press myself deeper into the material with a content sigh. It's only then that I realize we're no longer moving. My eyes flutter open again and I peer over Inuyasha's shoulder to see the others setting up camp. From my hanyou's stance I can tell he was observing the area, smelling and sensing for any intruders who might pose a threat to our group. With a sigh once more, I slide down his back, but his hands linger on my legs before he allows me to go. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sleep so long."

His golden eyes turned to me, their intensity not even attempting to hide how he was studying me. "Keh. You haven't been sleeping at night. You needed it," was all he said before walking over to start the fire. I didn't realize he had been watching me sleep, although it really shouldn't surprise me. He rarely slept and I suppose he needs something to wile away the time. He probably watches us all, but the knowledge that he observes me in particular makes my heart flutter and my mind drift back to what transpired as he clutched me to his back. The way his fingers danced across my skin, his claws tracing along my thighs…. If Sango hadn't interrupted….

I know I'm blushing, I can feel the heat in my cheeks. Inuyasha is kneeling by the fire, his eyes glancing up at me with some unfathomable gleam their depths. I know he understands my blush but remarkably he doesn't turn bright red as he always does when he's embarrassed. Which is odd since any insinuation made about the two of us sends him sputtering with mortification and indignation. But now that something has actually happened—or started to happen—and he's simply…quiet, almost contemplative. His movements are graceful as he stands, his muscles flexing as he tightens his jaw and approaches me. The fire is now roaring behind him, casting shadows and brilliant orange light across his form and my mouth goes dry. He's still a foot taller than me and as I gaze up willingly losing myself within him, his face close enough to send soft breaths caressing my skin I see warmth that isn't coming from the fire. "There's a hot spring behind the trees. I figured you'd want a bath since it's been hot the past few days." It is all he says before turning, his silver hair flipping behind him and he leaps into the treetops.

I'll never understand men.

But the truth of his words slowly sinks into my still-foggy brain. My clothes are plastered uncomfortably to my skin which glistens with sweat. The dirt over top of it only seems to get worse when I try to wipe it off. Glancing up, my brown eyes stare at the sun slowly sinking beneath the cover of trees. Hopefully with the sun will go the sweltering humidity. "Sango, do you want to go down to the hot springs?" I ask as I turn around to face her.

She looks up at me, a smile on her lips as she settles hiraikotsu on the ground near her. "Of course. I could use a chance to get clean," and she shoots a warning glance at the monk. He knows by now not to spy on us, but the warning is habit. Shippou no longer bathes with us, both Miroku and Inuyasha having said months ago he was too old, much to the distress of the little kit.

We walk in silence through the brush, pushing aside a few stray limbs in the way. As the spring comes into sight, relief flows through me. I drop my backpack and stretch, my shirt lifting to reveal the taut skin beneath. Living and fighting in the Sengoku Jidai does much to keep a girl's figure lean. My fingers grasp the hem and pull the sweater over my head and as the breeze whisks past my damp skin, it sends shivers down my spine. Sango eyes the white lacey bra I wear as I unclasp it and once again shakes her head. She's never understood modern fashion. It's "impractical" she always says. My skirt falls to the ground and slowly I stretch, pulling my shoulders to work out the kinks as I gingerly step into the warmth of the spring. Oh, god, it feels so good. I didn't even realize how sore my muscles have been until they slowly begin to unwind in the relaxing heat as I lay back upon one of the boulders in the water. I can feel my hair swirling around me, a silken sheet of ebony upon the crystalline surface, tickling against my skin as it flows with the water. With my eyes closed I can see brilliant golden orbs, heated passion whirling in their depths as his lips steadily close over mine….

A splash of water over my head sends me shooting up, coughing and sputtering, my eyes wildly searching about only to land on Sango's bemused expression. "Earth to Kagome, I've been calling you for five minutes." Her eyes turn serious and I've learned in my years with her that it usually isn't a good sign. "So have you told him? Are you going to?"

This is the very conversation I've been wanting to avoid. Sinking beneath the surface, only my nose and eyes protrude above the water and idly I wonder if changing the subject will work. But looking into those determined eyes I know it's pointless. No, I didn't tell him, not with words. But his touch upon my skin, the racing of my heart; I know he can smell my desire for him. Today on his back, wasn't that a step, an important one? Sighing, I rise out of the water to once more lie back upon the rock. "I'm not Kouga, I can't just blurt out the feelings I've been hiding for years. And what if he still thinks of--"

"Kagome, don't think like that. You deserve to be happy, and so does he. You belong together," I feel her hand on my shoulder as she squeezes it affectionately and smile up at her, even though it doesn't reach my eyes. She climbs from the water to dress and head back to camp and I return to my former position with my eyes shut, leaning against the rock.

"I'm going to stay a little longer, Sango," I sigh, adjusting my position. My upper half is out of the water, leaning on top of the outcrop of rock, as if part of me is sunbathing on the shallow stone.

"Just be careful," Sango responds and I hear her walking back into the woods to the others.

Just be careful…demons are the last of my worries now. At least with a youkai if I die fighting it's more honorable than just drifting into nothingness trying to fight something I can't even see. My eyes burn, a sensation I haven't allowed myself to feel for so long. If I die before Naraku, what will they do? Who will purify the shikon no tama? Who will find the last shard? Violently I rub my eyes, as if that will push away the thoughts, and open my red eyes to see the sun slowly setting over the mountains. An array of magenta, pink, violet, and gold splash across the sky like a painter's canvas and I watch as if seeing my first sunset. So beautiful…. Which sunset will be my last? This time I feel a wayward tear slide down my cheek. Gold like his eyes, the eyes I've always longed to have look at me in desire and love. God, Inuyasha, what do I do?

* * *

She looks like she sprouted from the water, like some beautiful demoness of the lake or secret goddess. Does she even know how stunning she is, splayed out upon the rock to entice those who stumble upon her? Her breasts are soft creamy orbs and my golden eyes greedily follow the path of a stray droplet of water as it drifts across her skin and between the beautiful mounds. Her dark hair fans out upon the rock, slowly drying as she stares up at the sunset, bathing her in soft gold and raging violet. She's a silent temptress beckoning to any who dare to gaze upon her beauty. But no one else will ever find her, I won't allow it.

I'm not sure when I began to watch her as she bathed. I'm not the monk, I'm not a pervert. I had been patrolling the area for threats when I found her standing in a pool of water, slowly running her hands along her naked flesh as trails of her shampoo slid down her skin. I couldn't stop looking. And since that day I've always found an excuse to drift away from camp. To protect her, to love her…even if only from a distance.

God, does she know what she does to me? How my body tightens, hardens at her look, how my heart beats erratically when she smiles at me? Today I had been terrified as she slowly stroked her body against me, her arousal overwhelming my senses. I shouldn't have done anything but I couldn't keep myself from responding to her body with my own desire. Slowly, so slowly so I could pull away if it was an accident, if she rejected my touch, inching my way up that creamy skin as silken as it looks, my claws dragging up the skin as I caressed her. Her little pants, the moistness against my fingers as I massaged them against her center, I could hardly keep myself from flinging her to the ground to prove my love to her. To sink my body within her wanton heat, to hear her cry out to me in pleasure as my hands grazed over her skin, my teeth nipping at her neck, biting her, marking her as mine forever. It's becoming even harder to breathe as my thoughts run wild, untamed as they always are when it comes to her.

But why would she respond to me, want me, let me touch her, if it was Kouga she loved? Was she thinking of him? Does she wish it were him touching her? I feel the growl in my stomach as it rises from my throat, and I can't stop it. She's mine, Kagome is mine, how can she ever think otherwise? I've loved her for years, I've protected her, I've watched her sleep, taken care of her when she was sick. What has that mangy wolf done other than get in the way? Yet that nagging in my head says I haven't always protected her. So many times I blindly ran off to Kikyo, and even now I let the well be destroyed. Where was my protection then?

Keh. Stupid conscience. Pushing the thoughts from my mind, I concentrate on her form once more, the rise and fall of her breasts as she breathes the gentle sway of her hands in the water as her hair dances with the ripples. Beautiful. Beckoning to any who stumbles upon her. And even I grow weary of fighting the call.

* * *

With a light splash in the water, I open my eyes, expecting to see Sango. As I turn my head, my eyes widen considerably as I watch Inuyasha slowly wading deeper in the water towards me. The ripples lap at his waist, but that doesn't cover the fact that he is obviously nude and I want to dive into the water. I can feel my cheeks burning, a rosy warmth spreading across my body until I am flushed beneath his gaze. His eyes are a dark amber and he strolls slowly toward me like a predator stalking prey and afraid to scare it away. And I can't move. I'm frozen, unable to cover myself, unable to tear my gaze away from the consuming passion shining in those brilliant depths as he closes the distance between us. There are no words, no questions.

His shining silver hair drifts behind him upon the water, a silken sheen down his back as he pins me to the rock, though there are still inches between us. I'm trapped, my heartbeat is erratic with uncertainty and fear—and there is no place I would rather be. His arms leisurely slide up the rock on both sides of me, stopping beside my shoulders as he leans in, his eyes slowly roaming down my form, his breath catching as they gaze at my breasts before rising once more to meet my eyes. His breath caresses my face and I shiver, my eyes growing heavy with desire as I stare at his lips, so close to mine that I can feel the skin brush against the dimple in the corner of my mouth. It seems an eternity before those lips finally close over mine, his tongue brushing against my lower lip to beg entrance as it slowly explores the caverns of my mouth. Sweet, beautifully sweet, his tongue like sucking on a ripe pomegranate as he tenderly savors my mouth.

The waves splash gently against me as he pushes forward into the water, and as my breasts lightly press into the firm muscles of his chest, I moan into his mouth at the sensation of the sensitive buds caressing his skin. The sound encourages him, as he presses himself closer against me, the muscles of his waist taut against my own as the water slips away from us. The silken bulge pushing into my lower abdomen has me crying out as it sends ripples of pleasure and anticipation throughout my body. God, does he know what he does to me?

I gasp against his lips as his hands slip beneath the water, resting upon my hips as he deepens the kiss, his hands clenching against me as I slowly slide my body against his and trail my hands up his arms to wrap around his neck and pull him tighter towards me.

"Kagome, is everything alright?"

My arms are suddenly empty and as my eyes fly open, Inuyasha is already gone. My cheeks are burning as I turn to Sango who is just now exiting the treeline with worry reflecting in her eyes. How stupid I look, standing alone in the water, my body flushed and my cheeks burning. But as I stare longingly at the trees for any sign of my hanyou, the burning in my eyes seems the worst of all.

* * *

What was I thinking? How could I have given in? Stupid, worthless hanyou, so presumptuous to think for a moment I deserved her. And then to smell the salt of her tears and her arousal on the wind as she slowly climbed from the water, confusion in those dark eyes that had been so heady with desire moments before as she searched the trees for me. Quickly yanking the haori over my head I curse once again. Keh. How stupid am I? Had Sango not have interrupted….

Kagome responded. At first with surprise, but she didn't push me away. She didn't scream or 'sit' me into oblivion as I stalked towards her, my intentions clear. Even now I can feel her little body sliding against mine, innocent friction against the anatomy that throbs and aches for her, even now. Especially now. In my mind I can imagine her crying out for me, screaming with pleasure as I thrust into her warm, wanting body, crying out my love for her and showing her with my body what my fumbling words never seem to say. I love you…I love you, Kagome.

I don't deserve her. I don't deserve her innocence, her blind trust, her kind heart, her sacrificing soul. Still I need her. Never in my life have I been afraid, but I'm terrified of her. Of those big, expressive eyes, of those sultry pouting lips. I would die in her, wrapped inside the peace she brings me, forever lost within the comfort of her spirit. Without her I'm nothing and with her I'm merely her reflection.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note: This is the last of my pre-done chapters. From now on, it's all new which I'm working on. Will have new chapters up as soon as I can.

* * *

It doesn't seem right. After three years, to have come so far only to have it slip away. With Sango's interruption, Inuyasha may never again have the courage to attempt a seduction. Even now I can taste his mouth on mine, feel the way his lips moved and how his tongue caressed mine.

The fire crackles in front of me as I stare at the flames, my arms crossed round my legs and my chin resting on my knees. A piece of rotted wood pops and sends a swirl of dark smoke drifting towards the night sky. Perhaps the interruptions are Fate's way of telling me it can never be. She allowed me to return to the Sengoku Jidai long enough to complete my mission. If I even have that long. There won't be time for Inuyasha and I. Our time is over…if we ever had time.

Is it selfish of me to want him to love me? I could die tomorrow and after 18 years the only thing I want before I die is to hear him say, just once, that he loved me. I need him to love me, to know if only for a moment, that I had accomplished that.

"Kagome, are you alright?"

With a glance up at Sango I smile, not wanting her to worry. I can tell she doesn't believe the lie and gingerly she sits next to me, putting her hand on my leg. She doesn't even need words to comfort me and slowly I let my head drop to her shoulder. "I have to find that last shard. We have to defeat Naraku or else it's all been for nothing. We're running out of time, Sango."

She understands my words, but misinterprets the urgency, the melancholic aura that's enveloped me. "We'll find it. We still have time, he hasn't found it yet."

"Sometimes I wonder…" I pause, unsure how to phrase the jumbled thoughts in my head. "If only I hadn't shattered the jewel in the first place, none of this would have happened. So many people have died and been hurt because of one mistake." I can feel the warmth in my eyes, but I can't cry. I can't, no matter what. "I love you all so much but I've also…hurt you all so much. I've taken so much from you."

Her arms are around me before I can finish. "Don't think that way, Kagome! It would have happened anyways, Naraku would have found a way. All of us are together because of you, because you keep us together. I know you think you're weak, but you're not. You're what makes us strong. Your faith in us, your courage, your--" Sango's voice broke as she hugged me and it only makes the burning in my eyes that much stronger. "You make us a family. You keep us going when we want to give up."

And what about when I'm not here anymore? What happens then to my friends? But I can't say the words. "We should head north at dawn," I say instead, patting her arm encouragingly. The exhaustion is already weighing on me again and I move away to climb into my sleeping bag.

My eyes are still watching the fire, but I can feel when Inuyasha returns to the camp. He stays on the far edge, furthest from me and I wrap the cover closer around me. I have to give up on Inuyasha, on my own dream. It's more important to find Naraku and I have to put everyone else first. No matter what Sango said, I knew time was running out.

* * *

I watched her fall into a fitful sleep. She moans in her sleep, sometimes wincing in pain. It had been like that ever since she had developed that "cold" she talked about. She had returned home to take medicine, to make herself better. But no matter how she protested that she was on the mend, I can see the darkness under her eyes. Was it sadness that haunted her, that made her sick? Did I make her sick? I had failed to protect her, I had let the well be destroyed, I had…

I hurt her today. Stupid, miserable hanyou that I am. I've never been good for anything. I had lost control, had given into my own instincts, and I hurt her. I can still smell her salty tears as I ran, too embarrassed to face her after what I'd done. She would pretend that it was alright, always trying to make everyone else feel better as she always did. When she responded to me, had she been wishing it were Kouga?

She's hiding, I know she is hiding something from me. Is it her feelings for Kouga, afraid to hurt me if she reveals the truth? Or is it something darker? When Miroku had teased her earlier about being with pup, I had nearly torn his head from his shoulders. But what if….

The very idea makes me nauseous. The wood from the branch I sit on creaks in protest as my claws crush the bark. The last time we'd seen Kouga had been right before Kagome got sick. And she did smell different. But she would never—

Kagome had never mated. She couldn't have. I would have known, I would have smelled it. Unless…it wasn't Kouga. Was it someone from her own time? That Hoji, Hoppy, whatever his name was, had always wanted her. Does she love him now? Is that why she was gone so long this time?

It feels as if my chest is on fire. I can hear my own heartbeat, pounding out a furious cadence. Her backpack is sitting on the edge of camp. That will have my answers. Whatever she is hiding, she would keep it there.

Silently I leap from the tree, my bare feet silent as they hit the ground. My eyes are on her, but my ears are listening for the others, to see if they stir. If they find me going through her bag again…I didn't need Kagome any madder at me than she already was.

It's surprising how light the bag is as I heft it onto my shoulder. This thing always weighs as much as a person, full of books and clothes and food. I feel like a thief as I sneak out towards the edge of the clearing, close enough that the fire still provides ample light, but far enough away not to wake them with the noise.

The zipper seems suspiciously loud and I glance back in paranoia to see Kagome stir. With a yawn, she turns over, her back to me. Yanking open the flaps of the bag, I dump the items on the ground to sort through. Ramen, pocky, more sweets for Shippou… Where were her clothes, her books? In three years she had never come to the Sengoku Jidai without them. That could only mean--

I feel as if Sesshoumaru has knocked the wind from me. As I sink into the dirt, I stare at her, tossing and turning in her sleeping bag. I feel the unfamiliar sensation of warmth in my eyes. I can't think, I can't breathe, I can't-- Kagome didn't bring anything for herself. The wind catches her hair, blowing it off her cheek and she sighs. Had she come back to say goodbye?

* * *

Author's Note: I actually have some of the future chapters after this written, but still need the transitional chapters to that point. Which means when I get the interim chapter finished, it will probably be several chapters going up at once. So consensus: what do you think should happen? Let's just see....


End file.
